Thursday, December 3, 2009

A New Kind of Normal

I love this time of the evening... A few stray bubbles and wet duckies still mingle in the tub. The dishwasher hums a tune as it completes it's final cycle. Two different, soft lullabies billow from two darkened bedrooms. The teapot simmers and steams the announcement of one more day lived, enjoyed, cherished. And all is peaceful... Ah... The Christmas Season is upon us and I can scarcely believe that it has been just over 3 months since Laura started preschool. I remember like it was yesterday the feeling of loss and mourning I felt as I sent her off on this new journey, her first time out of the nest. Well, it seems that her little wings are strong and prepared for their journey. I smile each morning as we drive home and she chatters about the songs she's sung, the projects she's created, the friend she held hands with, and the story she listened to. She inquires about the weather and teaches us about the letter of the day. But most important to her, Laura must know how I spent MY morning. Every little detail of it. And I have to assure her that Celia and I did nothing fun without her! Ha ha. I have learned to appreciate these mornings when Laura is at school. I know that she is in a good place, with good people. She is growing and smiling and learning there. She is learning what it is to be her own, separate person; A person who can function and contribute and reason apart from her family. And while she is enjoying this new freedom, I nestle in at home with little Celia. I can see how beneficial this time is for her and I as we bond and read and talk and snuggle. Sometimes she takes a long nap and the morning is over before it began. Other days she is wide awake and she helps me dust or fold socks or vacuum. And she learns what it is to play with her toys without Big Sister. It still doesn't feel "right" to have Laura away from us, but the time flees quickly and I have learned to savor those moments when she is away and Celia is napping. I get to enjoy a cup of tea and attack those jobs more easily accomplished "sans enfants!" My God is a gracious God. He provides me with strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. He knows my every thought and fear. He knows when I sit and when I rise. He replaces uneasiness with peace. And that hole where Laura used to be? He fills it with contentment and the promise of the beautiful things to come.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

my motto for life

I have been agonizing over this "BLOG thing" for months now. What should I call it? What will I write? Who will care to read about what I write? But I keep coming back to one thing. Or, rather, many 'Little Things.' 'Little Things' fill our days, our weeks, our years, our lifetimes. It's my desire every day to notice the 'Little Things,' embrace them, and enjoy them. 'Little Things' are tickles from my girls, bubble hairdos in the bathtub, peanut butter fingerprints on my refrigerator. 'Little Things' are the smell of cupcakes in the oven, the first blossoms on the tomato plants in our garden, Mike's hand in mine as we sit on the patio after a busy day. I hope that this BLOG can serve as my memory bank for all the the 'Little Things' that so beautifully fill the moments in my days. I want so badly to burn them into my memory, into a place where I can retrieve them and smile about them one day when my life finds me in a new place. I don't know how interesting it will be for others to read these chronicles, but I think it will be invaluable to me. And maybe, just maybe, it might encourage and remind you to take time to Enjoy The Little Things in your life. We all have them. And they are our greatest gifts.

Time Marches On

I took Laura, my almost-four-year-old, to the dentist today. To my surprise, she hopped up when the hygienist called her name, and skipped off to the examining room without Mommy. For Laura, that was a big deal. She has been Mommy's shadow all of her short little life, and is often quite fearful of new situations. This was just the encouragement I needed as preschool quickly approaches. I have been nervous about the adjustment. How will she react when I drop her off? (How will I react?) Will she be scared? (Will I be able to hold back my tears?) Will she make new friends? (Will she be a leader or a follower?) Will she be OK? Of course she will. But as moms, we all want the best for our kids and it's hard to see them struggle. And I won't lie. It will be difficult for me, too. Difficult to say good-bye to my little buddy, my Laura who goes everywhere with me, works with me in the yard, assists on shopping adventures, chats non-stop... My girl who asks for daily cuddle breaks where we sit and snuggle and talk and read and rest. We've grown quite comfortable in this life of privacy and serenity where time seems to stand still. But it doesn't really. Time marches on. And I guess it's time to learn to find that new beat so we can march along, if ever so begrudgingly... Lord, please bless and protect and care for my girl where I cannot. May our bond grow ever-stronger as we spend more time apart. May my tears be cleansing and my words encouraging as we find our way. And thank you for the past 4 years... the best 4 years of my life.