Thursday, December 3, 2009

A New Kind of Normal

I love this time of the evening... A few stray bubbles and wet duckies still mingle in the tub. The dishwasher hums a tune as it completes it's final cycle. Two different, soft lullabies billow from two darkened bedrooms. The teapot simmers and steams the announcement of one more day lived, enjoyed, cherished. And all is peaceful... Ah... The Christmas Season is upon us and I can scarcely believe that it has been just over 3 months since Laura started preschool. I remember like it was yesterday the feeling of loss and mourning I felt as I sent her off on this new journey, her first time out of the nest. Well, it seems that her little wings are strong and prepared for their journey. I smile each morning as we drive home and she chatters about the songs she's sung, the projects she's created, the friend she held hands with, and the story she listened to. She inquires about the weather and teaches us about the letter of the day. But most important to her, Laura must know how I spent MY morning. Every little detail of it. And I have to assure her that Celia and I did nothing fun without her! Ha ha. I have learned to appreciate these mornings when Laura is at school. I know that she is in a good place, with good people. She is growing and smiling and learning there. She is learning what it is to be her own, separate person; A person who can function and contribute and reason apart from her family. And while she is enjoying this new freedom, I nestle in at home with little Celia. I can see how beneficial this time is for her and I as we bond and read and talk and snuggle. Sometimes she takes a long nap and the morning is over before it began. Other days she is wide awake and she helps me dust or fold socks or vacuum. And she learns what it is to play with her toys without Big Sister. It still doesn't feel "right" to have Laura away from us, but the time flees quickly and I have learned to savor those moments when she is away and Celia is napping. I get to enjoy a cup of tea and attack those jobs more easily accomplished "sans enfants!" My God is a gracious God. He provides me with strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. He knows my every thought and fear. He knows when I sit and when I rise. He replaces uneasiness with peace. And that hole where Laura used to be? He fills it with contentment and the promise of the beautiful things to come.